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Better To Have Not Loved

by Franko Mandato

My heart is broken

my mind is filled with remorse

Why does rejection cause such pain mixed with anger

Shouldn't our fathers teach us as young men that love is dangerous

I had never loved a woman until a ripe old age

and having finally loved someone

I am not sure I ever want to again

I do not believe that men who shower love upon a woman

can ever expect it returned.

Women need to express the lion's share of love in a relationship

Men need to accept it and simply

return the affection and devotion with appreciation and understanding.

In the course of my life I have always found the adoration of women

comforting and often exciting

yet in all my relationships with women

through marriage, divorce, rebounds, and advanced dating

there has always been the feeling deep in my core

that something was missing,

that love had more to offer

and then I discovered the "other" side of love.

When a man truly loves a woman he turns his world upside down

I flew happily through the early mutually infatuation stage

to a deep abiding love.

I ignored all warnings that she didn't love me

as much in return.

Blindly, I continued to give my heart completely.

I had the illusion which I now realize is futile

that by the sheer dynamic of devotion

that I would win her love

Throughout a life replete with relationships with women whom declared their love for me

I never doubted the feelings and caring I declared back to them and this I always titled Love.

But having experienced the other side of this paradox called Love I understand the flaw in my thinking.

I have spoken with many men and I have come to this realization after considerable meditation.

Only men who have loved a women who could not love them back understand or believe this theory.

Men who have always thought they loved equally cannot accept this reasoning because it has to be felt.

Women with whom I have discussed my theory debate furiously that love can be equal .

But the clinching element of my theory is based on this feminine belief:

Every women said that they need to be able to love and adore a man before calling it love

Where all men believe that one can love a woman but still feel certain they can do better

Unlike women whom realize they can do better but in spite of this are capable of loving,

men do not have this ability, they cannot 'adore' a mate who is not the woman of his dreams.

This is not to say men do not stay with women whom they do not adore,

many do through loyalty, and a certain subconscious acceptance.

Previously to meeting and loving the woman of my dreams

I had lots of ideas of what qualities my fantasy woman would posess:

attractive, smart, self-sufficient and good personality

The woman I fell in love with surpassed these beyond my wildest imagination

She can be described in her three qualities I admired most: incredibly honest , incredibly beautiful, incredible personality.

But I will not stop there, you must understand the more subtle yet powerful aspects to comprehend

my dismay and tortured soul.

Although she turned heads everywhere she appeared , she abhored attention.

I questioned this reaction but as I stated before she was incapable of dishonesty.

Many months later when I knew her well I realized she actually understated her dislike of attention.

It might take a man to understand why this particular facet is so endearing.

Making Love to her was my greatest joy and greatest challenge. As I said she was

incredibly and brutally honest. When love making was not great she didn't pretend, or spare your feelings with niceties. It was difficult and put enormous pressure on me for a while until I found

my stride and when it was excellent her reaction ... well I felt I'd gone to heaven

Her reasons for dating and eventually allowing intimacy with me were simple: I was a nice guy, and she had been off the dating scene for a long time.

She made it clear from the start that she wasn't interested in a heavy relationship

In many ways she was a man's dream woman because she wanted the same things out of

a relationship that a man wants: lots of alone time, lots of sex, and she loved to watch tv together.

Yet as I eventually found out, men need and want more. We want to know that our pouring out from

the heart is welcomed and cherished. We want to know that our insights are valued and understood.

But she was not capable of lavishing praise or showing respect in the way the most of us men are used to.

Hers was a males type of response and recognition.

The only time she expressed herself like the woman I have known is during sex and sometimes after sex .And sometimes just before falling asleep, she would reach for me and rest her head gently on my chest

and we would breathe together into slumber.

a women who could not seem to love

until my bitter undoing

More of Franko Mandato's work

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